So drunk its hurt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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