Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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