Do you still have your period?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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