I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
