Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
