Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
