based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
