NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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