Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Say something about gay babies.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
