Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
