i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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