we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
