I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
