Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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