dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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