I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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