I love black thongs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
