please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
