I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
