she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
