He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
