I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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