I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
