I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this just has baby written all over it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
