i barfeds in our rink
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Randomize
