ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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