Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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