Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
