hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
