I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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