Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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