Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
