sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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