My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
