on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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