needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
