I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
