Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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