Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
