Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
