When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
