i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it glows. i had to have it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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