I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
