left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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