so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
