if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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