Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
