never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Text me some of your sweat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
