So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you would pick up someone in the library
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
