I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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