i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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