I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
