I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
